“Shh.”

I sway back and forth in the dark, cool cocoon of my son’s nursery as I press a pacifier gently into his mouth. I close my eyes and begin counting backwards from sixty.

29…28…I quickly glimpse down at him and sigh quietly in relief as his eyelids, heavy with sleepiness, finally begin to close.

I gently place him in his crib, marveling at the sudden stillness of the baby who, only moments before, was wriggling fiercely in an attempt to escape my arms. He looks so peaceful now, as his eyelids flutter and his chest rises and falls softly.

Before I’ve even closed the door to his room, my mind has already jumped ahead to  the never ending to do list awaiting me as always. I glance at the clock- mentally calculating how much time I’ll have to return some emails, get dinner in the crock pot, unload the dishes and start a project for work. On a good day, I know I’ll have about an hour and ten minutes to get as much done as possible. On a tough day, it’ll only be about forty minutes (which sounds like a lot- until you try to cram your entire list of tasks into it.)

Dishes first. I decide as I step towards the kitchen, only to be stopped in my tracks by the clarity of a still, small voice in my ear and a gentle knock upon my heart.

“Give this time to Me.”

I stifle a chuckle (because I at least know better than to laugh outright at God) and respond patronizingly,

“But Jesus…I have so much to do. You in fact know how many items are on my list today. I have to get at least some of it done before Joseph wakes up”

A second of stillness, and then,

“Give this time to me…and I will give you rest.”

I sigh. Rest. What an elusive concept that seems to be in these long but blessed days filled with wifery, motherhood and ministry.

Dinner, laundry,  emails, design projects, writing- the hallmark responsibilities of my vocation at the present moment.

All that doing, and still, there’s more to do.

“When was the last time you rested?” Jesus gently prompts.

“Well…” I hesitate.

Because I know I’ve had plenty of moments, despite my busy schedule and very mobile nine month old, of sitting in front of screens, scrolling mindlessly. Or delving into the plot line of a show on Netflix as I rest against my husband on the couch.

“I’ve sat…” I begin to respond.

But I stop.

Because deep in my heart of hearts, I know what Jesus means by resting…and I know the idle distractions I’ve given into now and then don’t quantify. Sure, I’ve sat…sat on my phone, at my computer, in front of the T.V.

All that sitting, and still, I haven’t rested.

When it comes to the Scriptures, there is perhaps no one who’s story resonates more with me at this point in my life than Martha, the hostess too busy making her home feel welcome to actually stop and bid welcome the King of Kings in her presence. 

Despite all her good intentions, her well-meaning attempts at checking off the boxes on her to-do list…she still missed the point.

I can only imagine how humbled Martha must’ve felt as Jesus’ kind eyes met hers and he gently exclaimed “Martha, Martha…you are upset and worried about many things, but few things are needed—indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better…”

“I want to choose what is better, Lord.” I whisper.

And so I sit in stillness, no screens to distract me from who I am with.

I let Him fill me as I pause long enough to accept and appreciate His generous love.

And as I sit with Him, I think back to earlier, to my son striving to wriggle from my arms, resisting the rest I knew he was so in need of. And I realize how often that is me, resisting the Lord’s embrace, disregarding His invitation to soak in the REST my soul so desperately needs.

So, today, I resolve to choose what is better.

To give not only the gift of my service, but the gift of my TIME (even if it means the dishes sit in the sink or the laundry goes unfolded for an extra day.) —to my husband, my child, my Lord…to give them not merely the gift of what I do, but the gift of who I am…and know that that is enough.