There is a little village nestled in the countryside of Herzegovina and Bosnia known for a beautiful tradition called ‘the wedding vows of the crucifix’. For centuries, this town has maintained the practice of centering their marriages around the Holy Cross, recognizing that there is an indissoluble relationship between that union ‘which produces human life’ and the ‘sacrifice which produces divine life’. As a result, they are likely the only city in the world that can claim a divorce rate of 0 among their 13,000 inhabitants.

Upon learning of this tradition, my husband and I were quick to find a way to incorporate it into our wedding mass. I can still recall the feeling of my fingers resting upon the wood of our Celtic Crucifix, interlocked with the fingers of my husband as we promised to love and honor one another, ALL the days of our lives. The priest then reminded us, in front of all of our loved ones (and in the words of the tradition itself) “you have found your cross; it is a cross to be loved, to be carried, not to be thrown away but to be cherished.”

It is a funny, but perhaps, quite fitting image to think of your spouse as your cross, when considered in light of the Cross of Christ. Marriage, or any vocation, isn’t easy. It’s not meant to be a light and airy experience…its meant to be lived out in the trenches of life- in the hard moments, the ones burdened with sickness, marred by hurt; the commitment is for the good times, yes, but even more for the difficult ones.

In thinking of our vocation as a cross, we can learn directly from our savior, Christ, Himself, in how to bear it. We can see from His example of humility how to embrace our cross, to take it up in our arms and cling to it- and more, cling to He who made the cross the very hallmark of  our salvation.

Often we may approach our crosses as Simon of Cyrene, hesitant, or even resistant to bear and to live what is asked of us (what we are called to!). Likely though, just as Simon’s heart was transformed from one of loathing for the cross to love of it—we, too will find that walking  the way of the cross brings us so close to our Jesus that embracing it is no longer such a terrible feat, but a life-giving and gaining one

That Celtic Crucifix present at the exchange of our wedding vows now hangs proudly above the kitchen doorway in our little home—and each day it serves as a reminder to our marriage, to our family, to me—a reminder that we are loved so much by our God that He would become human, come wade through the muck of life and experience every pain we’ve ever felt just to restore us… a reminder that suffering need not be feared, but embraced as an opportunity to love…a reminder that in the end, love always triumphs .

We adore you Oh Christ and we Praise you, because by your Holy Cross, you have redeemed the world.

There are some things in life that should be measured – and others that should not.

Take sewing, for example. If you don’t measure to the 16th of an inch, the final product will be a flop. I can’t think of one sewing project in my 20 years of sewing that actually functioned properly. No matter how skilled or knowledgable I became at the art of sewing, I inevitably ended up with uneven seams, scooping hemlines, and safety pinned waistbands. Why? Because as my mom would so often say, “Mary, you sew like you cook. You don’t measure.”

On the flip side: I may not be Bobby Flay or Giada de Laurentiis, but I can honestly admit to being a decent cook. Recipes, to me, are like the framework of a delicious meal, where no two meals are alike. An extra egg here, a dash of maple syrup there, and a splash of fresh garlic everywhere can add sweetness, volume, and spice to a any dish. And while there may be an occasional catastrophic curry here or there, the “diving in” with flavors, ingredients, and techniques usually pays off in the end.

I’ve been pondering the art of measuring lately, when it comes to love, and it occurred to me that while some forms of measuring are essential (as in the case of sewing) other forms of keeping a gauge on something can hold us back and make life rather bland.

Think about the person or people you love the most in this life. Have you ever thought, “Oh, I’m just not sure I really love them…” No! You may think, “Gosh, how can I love them more? How can I express that love better?”

Love expresses itself in action, no?

The art of loving is a lot like cooking; it blossoms when it is cultivated, seasoned, and chanced for additional sweetness. Love thrives on action not gauged by time or ability, but by the effort and sweet joy that is poured from a heart that cares.

Like ingredients for a master meal, love can’t grow if it’s kept from rising, if it’s stuffed in an airtight container, or if it’s skimped. In fact, as soon as we start to measure our love, we find ourselves not really focused on love, but self.

There isn’t a child on earth that would feel truly loved because her mother looked at her and said, “I’m just not sure I really love you enough…” A loving mother wouldn’t even contemplate that thought, let alone express it. Instead, she would seek every opportunity to show, to give, and to nourish the lasting love within her.

Friendships, too, can’t be exacting, can they? Those relationships that involve “one favor for another” in equal measure usually aren’t quite friendships after all. They create a relationship of pressure and paybacks.

Measuring love doesn’t stop with being generous – it includes those times in our lives we are not able show love in certain ways, having unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others in how love is expressed. It’s the new mom we’re not able to make a meal for… the child we feel like we’re not giving enough attention to… the spouse we couldn’t make dinner for that evening – or series of evenings.

True Love can never be measured. We have the perfect example of this in the Author of Love Himself, who makes it His prerogative to help us achieve ultimate happiness with Him, despite our inability to even fathom how much He loves us.

He calls us to love Him back with zero strings attached; He loves us beyond measure.

The next time we start to gauge the inadequacies of our love or someone else’s love, we should put out that soul-gripping thought with a spiritual fire extinguisher! We should kindle our love, instead. Cultivate it like a meal in the making – adding and learning what spices and techniques we can to make our love ever beautiful, ever-satisfying, and everlasting.