“You are dust and to dust you shall return.”

“Repent and believe in the gospel”

Every year on a Wednesday, I hear one of these urgings spoken to me as a thumb print of black ash is swept across my forehead.

The words, the ashes, the altar stripped of decoration and cloaked in purple, the solemn readings- all of it is meant as an invitation to ponder my mortality in the light of God’s Divinity, to consider my life and the things in it and remember which are finite and which are infinite and to adjust my heart accordingly.

I think that for those of us, like me, who had only ever experienced death at a distance, the ask to remember our mortality and be moved by it can fall on somewhat deaf ears- hardened hearts, even.

Which is why I know it was God’s blessing upon me that I happened to be in Hawaii, on the U.S.S Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor, no less, when the (accidental) ballistic missile threat occurred earlier this year. If I close my eyes, I can still smell the oil and see its glossy sheen floating atop the waters of the Pacific, only feet above one of the four U.S. ships sunk during the bombing at Pearl Harbor. I can still feel the adrenaline rush in my gut as I read the words eerily pulsing across my cell phone screen while I stand atop a sunken grave: “Alert: Ballistic Missile Bound from North Korea to Hawaii. Seek Shelter Immediately. This is not a drill.”
There was no immediate panic, thankfully. All around my husband and I, people began looking at the same alert as it flashed across their screens, whispering among themselves. It wasn’t until a second alert of the same urgency came, followed by the blaring of sirens as we were rushed from the Memorial back to the main ground of Pearl Harbor that I actually considered death and felt its potential immanency like a shudder down my spine. I inhaled deeply, my hand instinctively reaching for my husband’s. We began to pray a Divine Mercy Chaplet aloud together.

Hundreds of thoughts seemed to come simultaneously. I thought of my baby, Joseph, napping peacefully hundreds of thousands of miles away from us. I thought of the last kiss I had planted on his forehead the night before we left for our long awaited vacation. I thought of the years of his life I wouldn’t be present for, if I truly were to die that day. I thought of all my friends and loved ones. I wondered if death would hurt.

And then, I thought of Jesus.

I thought of Him as He is portrayed in the Divine Mercy Image, hand outstretched, mercy and life pouring out from His most sacred Heart.

As my lips formed over and over again around the prayer “Jesus I trust in you”, I realized that THIS is the moment I had lived my entire life for. The moment when I would greet that loving gaze, face to face….that all the moments preceding this one were steps to get to here. To death. To LIFE.

And for that single moment, my priorities aligned perfectly. Because suddenly, getting that perfect, poetic picture of myself walking on the beach didn’t matter. All of the responsibilities and distractions awaiting me back in ‘every day’ life didn’t matter. How I looked, or sounded like, what others thought of me, what I ate, my joys and sufferings- in that moment, NONE of it mattered as much as Jesus and none of it could distract from the intense, immediate, dawning reality that I NEED Him…and that to trust in Him is the most important thing I could ever do, in my life- and especially, in my death.

Shortly thereafter, the missile threat was dispelled as a mistake.

I watched as around me, relief settled onto a crowd of people who, moments before, had been crying, praying, clinging to one another. People began to laugh and chatter and joke. I realized in that moment how quick we are to cast our mortality to the side in a clever punch line…and how little we really consider the POINT of all this living that we’re doing.

So today, sisters, as we enter into the desert in the shadow of our Lord, I pray that He opens our eyes anew to our own littleness, that our need for Him is realized anew- that the hunger in our stomachs never surpasses the hunger in our hearts for the Heavenly homeland to which we journey and that the HOPE of each finite moment we are given in this life rests grounded in the infinite Eternity for which we were created.

Love+Blessings,

Faith

I booked a flight to Spain.

Just like that, the Camino de Santiago is no longer a name on my Bucket List, it’s an event on my summer calendar, written in black felt ink!! The Way of St. James has already begun as I leap out into the great unknown and dare to walk toward an adventure that has been calling my name for years.

“So you just decided one day that you were going to walk The Way?” they ask, usually with a chuckle.

Yep. I just decided it was time to go. Time to stop talking about my dreams and start doing them. Time to live beyond the daily surviving and keep on thriving.

The Camino has been on my Bucket List for many years now. I can’t quite remember if I first heard about it from a friend or Martin Sheen. 🙂 But the idea of walking through Spain on the same path taken by pilgrims since the Middle Ages (prayerfully passing through the same homeland ruled by some of my favorite Spanish kings and queens!) never left my adventurous heart. In fact, my desire to go has only increased with time and research. (Oh, and they have WINE FOUNTAINS. There’s that, too…)

The Bucket List itself began as more of a jar – a collection of hopes, dreams, challenges, and goals I began to set for myself as a teenager, all directed toward following God’s will in my adult life. It was helpful to have something to go “back” to when the questions of “where am I going?” and “who am I?” surfaced throughout my late teens and early twenties. It helped me to dig back into my heart when I wasn’t sure what to do next. It also gave me hope for a future of happy moments to come and adventures still yet to be discovered.

Friends might remember the day I was challenged to write down 100 goals for my future.  A rather lengthy list of practical and not-so-practical goals ensued, with hopes for my spiritual life, professional life, family life, etc. The Bucket List was filling up, and fast! (Authoring a blog may or may not have been on that list. . . I’ll let you decide. :))

The Camino de Santiago sure was on that list – somewhere between “attend Financial Peace University” and “see the Swiss Alps.”

Over the years, I’ve limited this dream with my own expectations. “I can’t go until I have time to do the whole thing,” I would tell myself. “I’ll go sometime in the future when I’m in-between jobs” or “I’ll go someday with my future husband.”  The idea of going on the Camino was always in the distant future.

And then, the reality of time hit me like a ton of bricks. Time truly is fleeting and does not contain the events we expect them to contain. Trying to match our dreams to our own expectations for the future are unrealistic and, in the end, adventures can often be missed for lack of the bigger things (health, finances,, etc.). As a friend of mine wisely advised, “Do things like this while you have the health and time.” 

So I looked to the Bucket List and decided it was time to take it off the shelf. To my surprise, I was able to cross off a few items – dreams I had experienced just by living my life. I also added a few new goals while I was at it.

Friends, I don’t know about you, but I do NOT want to live a life of looking at, building, and creating my Bucket List. I want to take that bucket off the shelf and dive into it’s contents! I want to touch, smell, and taste them, watching the guidebooks come to life. I want to make the mistakes, learn the lessons, pick myself up and try again.

And then, I want to go out and USE the bucket to learn more about God and the world He created around (and in) me. I’ll use it as a raft, a receptacle, a reservoir – in whatever way He permits me to nurture the experiences that make the life I’m living to be just that: alive.

I don’t want to just survive and strive to succeed each day in life, I want to live them out with joy and gratitude – everything from walking the Camino to learning how to play basketball.

Let’s not put off to tomorrow what we can do today. If you have yet to create a bucket list, I encourage you to do so, pronto! It’s never too late. If you have one, take it off the shelf and look inside. Have you already explored life through living? What adventure or goal do you want to take out for the todays that God is giving you to live? Let’s go out there and return our bucket to God with lessons learned, love grown, and joys multiplied!

Buen Camino!

*Some of you have asked that I document my Camino experience. Plans of posts, journaling, and even vloging are under consideration. 😉  In some ways, I think we could call this the first step of my Camino? Will you join me on the journey?*

When I was in San Diego in early December, I met the janitor of the hotel one morning in the elevator. After exchanging pleasantries he said, “You should really come back San Diego sometime when it isn’t so cold. You will enjoy yourself even more!” I stopped and stared at him for what felt like ten minutes straight.

It was 75 degrees outside and I was definitely not “fitting in” to the fashion with my sandals and lightweight cardigan. (There is nothing stranger than seeing dozens of women wearing tall riding boots as they stroll near the ocean on a 75 degree day.) This janitor was visibly shivering! It was pretty clear in that moment that the Californian’s definition of cold is my definition of a delightful summer day. It’s all about perspective.

No matter how close or far away you may live to the North Pole, I think most humans are feeling the same thing this time of year: Cabin Fever. Whether you’re actually living in a cabin in Alaska (stay strong!) or continuously covering your plants in the south for fear of a dreaded frost, you are ready for warmer, longer days.

In all honesty, the cold is likely doing more than hurt your face and hands. Chances are, the season is affecting your mood, too. Any negative emotions you might be feeling right now may not be quite as negative as you think. You need sun, light, and warmth in your life again to make those tracks in snow seem less deep than they really are!

Because let’s face it: seasonal depression is real.

We can’t make the sun stay out longer, but we can help ourselves overcome and treat this indoor-induced ailment without the use of a tanning lamp. Here’s how:

1.  Go Outside – Even if it takes longer to suit up like an Eskimo than it will for you to stand the cold, you do yourself a tremendous amount of good with the effort to breath in a bit of nature. Making the effort will also boost your morale. Bundle up and go for a winter walk… take the kids to an ice rink… park your car at furthest the end of the parking lot… whatever it takes to spend time outside  – get out there! Bonus points to outdoor air is the use of exercise to your winter routine. It is easy to forget the feeling of triumph after a long run on a treadmill or the endorphin-high of a 30 minute spin session.

2. Get Crafty – If your winter brain is anything like mine, it feels as though it’s always reading a book or taking a snooze by a roaring fire. Wake it up a bit and get those creative juices flowing! That might encourage you to take scrapbook materials out of storage, practice sewing, or learn how to upholster a chair. Better yet, take a class at a nearby art center and meet new people while you’re at it! You could try music, baking, or cooking in the kitchen. Last month, I had a “pasta day” in which I spend the entire day learning how to make pasta and stuffed ravioli. It was tiring (and not completely successful) but it was invigorating!

Part 2 to getting crafty is: Bless Others. Share the rewards of your labor with your neighbor, whether it be your immediate family, co-workers, or the officers at a police station down the street. Take time to look outside of your winter blues to bless someone else.

3. Eat, Drink and Be Merry – If you are looking for permission to eat ice cream every night, this is not it. 🙂 Eating and drinking well have a tremendous impact on our mood. Eat leafy green veggies, packed with vitamins and make sure you are drinking enough water and staying hydrated. (That means saying no to the coffee pot or snack bar in the afternoon.) The cold season dries out of skin to the extreme, so make sure to feed it what it needs to thrive. Of course, you should enjoy the season’s treats while you’re fighting its fever. A cup of hot mulled wine is a must for a cold winter night!

4. Lots and Lots of Lights – I always lament the loss of light on December 26th. It seems that our world, immediately after Christmas, sees no need to decorate the dark streets, homes, and alleys with colorful lights. Let’s change this trend, people! One way in which I keep sane during the months of darkness is to keep my Christmas lights up – inside! I hang a strand of white lights above my fireplace, porch, or windows. Candles are also a great addition to the winter months and (sometimes) add a welcome note of fragrance to the home.

5. Life – Surround yourself with good people, friends, and family who lift you up and make you laugh. Plan a game night with your friends, visit your elderly friend in a nursing home, hold someone’s baby for awhile – it’s all quite therapeutic to the seasonal disfunction.  Decorate your home with signs of life by purchasing a few additional indoor plants or keeping a fresh bouquet of flowers on your kitchen table. One of my favorite (and affordable) life-givers to home decor is a bowl of fresh lemons and/or apples for the kitchen counter.

Putting the extras aside: take care of yourself. The most vital life in your world right now is your own. Make sure you’re taking care of it and respecting it’s need for rest, rejuvenation, and prayer.

There you have it! Five (and a half) ways we can all brave the cold and dark weeks ahead. You’ll be happier, your family will be happier, and apparently your freezer, too, will be better off for it:

Back in 2007, when first introduced to the internet world of bloggers, I found the site of a strong, faithful woman and mother of two – Mary Lenaburg. Though the sharing of her heart and home in writing, I met her beautiful daughter Courtney and followed and prayed along with her journey to Heaven. From her life and the daily step of faith into darkness, Mary Lenaburg’s theme of “Being Brave in the Scared” developed, challenging me and others to live joy in the midst of fear.

Ten years later and I’m still an avid reader and unabashed lurker. Mary Lenaburg challenged us recently to consider what being brave in the scared looks like to each of us. So I got to thinking…

Being brave in the scared, to me, means transforming the Scared to to the Sacred. By restructuring the first three letters of a fearful word, I am convinced we can find the doors to eternity.

For me, the Sacred was found in the Blessed Sacrament. There, Our Lord waits for us, inviting us to present our wounded hearts to Him. It was in the darkest, scariest period in my life that this secret was revealed to me. Like a magnet, I was drawn to the chapel. In most cases, there were no words – just a staring where “heart speaks to heart.” It was in Adoration that I found strength with which to rebuild my life in time of desolation. He was the answer to Everything. Since then, I long for those moments – whether they be 10 minutes or an hour – when I can go to him and learn how to be Brave. Every day I walk into that chapel and every day, I leave with greater peace than when I first came. In that time before Him truly present, I have the chance to rest my head on His heart – recharging, redeeming, and reviving my own.

There, we find warmth… comfort… we listen to the beating, the breathing, and we know thatwe are beloved.

And I am told, this is just the icing on the cake – there’s more!

Before Christ in the Blessed Sacrament we find the champion over fear itself – the Man God who suffered as our Savior. He taught us how to accept the cross and carry it bravely. And He invited us to join Him on the journey – to be brave.

And this visit usually unlocks another secret to Being Brave in the Scared…

Sometimes, when I am SURE that I am alone in the Adoration chapel- I sing!

There must be a scientific connection to the act of singing and the calming of one’s fears! It worked for the three men in the fiery furnace, right? “They walked around in the midst of the flames, singing hymns to God and blessing the Lord.”

Singing has a way of soothing one’s pain and multiplying one’s joy. It was singing that welcomed Our Lord as a newborn baby in Bethlehem. Zachary sang when his tongue was freed from its banishment. And Mary sang a canticle of praise when her heart overflowed with joy.  Our voice raised in song seals the sacred and scatters the scared. 

Say that three times fast! 😉

What does Being Brave in the Scared mean to you, dear friend?

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In Adoration, I have placed my wounded heart in His and watched it grow more and more in strength each day.

In Adoration, I have placed my joyful heart on His and watched the light return to its source.

In Adoration, I have placed my tender heart with shaking hands on His and watch it become brave, even in the scared.

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