“I think my big brother’s name is Michael.”
I remember confidently sharing this deep secret with my childhood friend at the age of 11 years old. We were stargazing on a camping trip, laying on our backs in a giant field. Staring at the millions of twinkling lights in the sky seemed to bring heaven closer to earth – including the longing I had in my heart to know my brother.
Outside my immediate family, no one knew I had a big brother. Inside my family, this baby was the “miscarriage before Mary.” I knew my mother lost a baby a year before I was born and that, in the great Mystery of Life and Death, this baby’s life made way for mine. Inside my heart, I was sure that baby was a boy and that his name should be Michael.
It was a relief to share this with my friend as such a young age. I had only just been baptized into the Catholic faith, and life and death were things I was coming to discover to new depths. My friend confided that her mom also lost a baby before she was born and that she, too secretly called him Michael. If there was any question that we should be friends, that similarity sealed the deal.
As years passed, the memory of little Michael was faint yet always present. As two more little siblings went to be with God, my awareness to the proximity of Heaven grew and I became aware of the place given to them in the presence of God. The meaning in Michael’s life continued to grow in my heart and I was sure I was getting to know him better.
Soon, I began to ask for his intercession specifically in situations when I was alone or in pain. “Michael, be a big brother to me” I would pray. And he would.
Michael wasn’t the figment of my imagination: Michael was real, and he had a mission. I knew it – after all, I am his sister! I’m pretty sure Michael’s mission is to be with those who are lonely and in pain. (I think he had something to do with sending Ian my way some years ago!) Michael’s life on this earth was swift and unknown to most, but his life eternal is one that connects to the Father. Maybe he is supposed to connect you, too!
I believe that the Lord has a mission for every child He takes to His heart before or after birth. In the aftermath of grief that accompanies the loss of a child, I have found time and time again a small bud of hope growing from their life – a mission for the Kingdom of God. I have witnessed their mothers, my friends, rise in their grief, asking to know their child’s mission. I firmly believe that the mother is given a special intuition to know what that mission is and to call that child by name in the Presence of God.
Now, when I pass cemeteries where my friends’ babies are buried, I call out to them as the little friends they are, asking them for a favor or just offering a “hello.” My own life is made better because of theirs, and I admire their mothers for embracing the hard to keep their children’s mission alive in their hearts, homes, and the world.
If you have lost a child, I offer you my deepest sorrow and join you at the foot of the Cross. With you, I pray to know this child’s unique mission.
If you are feeling alone or in pain, I offer you the intercession of my big brother Michael.
Do not be afraid to make your child known: we need them and the unique way they are called to show us the Face of God.
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To learn more about the mission of a child lost to miscarriage, check out this prayer:
Her Soul Proclaims 