I often feel it lurking in the recesses of my thoughts- a weight so heavy, yet so familiar that I don’t even realize I’m carrying it.

It’s the nagging sensation to raise my eyes from prayer and assess the wardrobe of those passing my pew as they go up to communion. It’s the heat that rises to my cheeks like a pink flag of surrender as I carry my screaming son out of mass, past the mother whose children are sitting like sweet cherubs in their places. It’s the heavy sigh that fills my lungs as I mindlessly scroll through  my Instagram feed, measuring my current state of couch-sitting against the highlight reels of everyone else’s lives- and coming up short, every. single. time.

It’s Comparison.  and it’s the thief of joy, or so I’ve heard it called.

It seems as though my feminine heart is hardwired to compare. Or more likely, its just the influence of a culture which has built its empire on teaching girls how to scrutinize every aspect of themselves by constantly looking to the other for validation.

Regardless, I think its fair to say- we’ve all been there. We know all too well the wounds that stem from subjecting our worth – as mothers, as employees, as friends, as women- to how we stack up next to someone else.

Comparison, when done with the intention of assessing one’s worth or ability or ‘status’, begets jealousy and pride. Its the thief in our hearts which most certainly can steal our joy- and, in its most monstrous forms, even destroy our relationships with others.

And the more we feed it, the more we fuel it, the bigger it will become…until its no longer stealing our joy, but engulfing it entirely.

It will only do so, however, if we let it.

So how, you ask, do we combat something which seems to come so ‘naturally’?

With humility, sisters, I offer you these thoughts:

1. If you’re like me, and struggle already with the habit of comparison (and the hurtful, even sinful mindset it can create) seek reconciliation and sound counsel in the sacrament of confession, as often as you need to.
2. As you strive to break the harmful habit of comparing, try also to replace it with a fruitful one- find a time and a place each day in which to voice your gratitude to God; perhaps pick out a spot to write down a specific person/blessing/experience you are grateful for and read over your collection at the end of the week. Seeing this tangible reminder of God’s goodness in your own life will surely be of great encouragement!
3. Hold within your heart the verse from 1 Corinthians Chapter 13 which reminds us that love does not delight in evil, but REJOICES in the truth. For me personally, calling to mind this verse when faced with the temptation to compare has given me the inspiration I need to feel joy for the blessings that others are given or for the good that they do, even if it is different than my own. Praise God that those around me have different talents and gifts than I do- after all, how would the body function properly if each member was the same?
4. Finally, and most importantly, steep your worth in Jesus. It sounds so simple (and it probably should be), but as most things in life, its easier said than done. Go before our Lord in prayerful adoration, let His gaze rest on you, and BELIEVE with your whole heart that you are more your true, authentic self in that gaze than in the eyes of anyone else, most especially your own. Ask Him for the grace to see yoursself and those around you through those eyes of mercy.

In the words of St. Catherine of Sienna, “Be who God meant YOU to be, and you will set the world on fire.”

There is no need to be another or to have what another has in order to live an abundant life…that can be done at each moment, right where you are. With hearts transformed by this truth, may our God who is bigger than our uncertainties give us the grace always to do so.